When Affirmations Don’t Work
In a group setting for short readings, I was asked by one woman if she was finally going to get what she wanted. I inquired as to what, exactly, that was. We all listened to her wish list covering wealth, deeply fulfilling work, an adoring soul mate, and a body that was 25 pounds lighter. She further added that she had been doing everything right by stating affirmations daily, as she had read in several books. She just wanted me to check and make sure she was going to get them all…and needed a timeline as to when it would come her way.
Looking her directly in the eyes, I had to tell her that it wasn’t working, and that her wishes would not be granted anytime soon. She was shocked by my response, and indignantly asked how I could say such a thing?!
While listening to her recitation of her longed for, much improved life, her energy in no way matched her words. Her vibration was full of anger, resentment, impatience, and fear. It was very clear that she was OVER waiting for these things to manifest.
I understood completely and my heart went out to her. Many of us have had similar struggles!
We are advised that in order to change our circumstances, we must simply repeat positive affirmations on a daily basis, and, voilà! Magically all that we ask for will be given! That does work, but only when our energy matches our affirmations. If we look in the mirror every morning and proclaim “I love my job,” yet at the same time we are running late for work every day, mumbling about inept co-workers, and just can’t figure out how the boss got their job, then in reality we are sending out a vibration of loathing our job, regardless of how positive our words may be.
The universe doesn’t judge energy as good, bad, right, or wrong. It simply observes the frequency at which we vibrate, understands that as our preferred frequency, and lovingly sends more opportunities that match our frequency to us. If you truly dislike your job, the universe can only send more reasons for you to dislike your job!
Another client was told in a workshop that all she needed to do was run around the room yelling at the top of her lungs that she loved herself and it was going to be a great day! To her dismay, she discovered the internal litany of her many faults and flaws were still just under the surface, and immediately had a car accident upon leaving the workshop! So, not a great day, and even more confusing.
The frequency at which you vibrate–your energy–is what creates your reality. Your thoughts create your vibration. The magic occurs when your vibration matches your affirmation!
The Case for Free Affection
Sex….a deeply intimate physical, emotional, spiritual connection which can be glorious, mind blowing, life altering, healing, OR; frustrating, embarrassing, disappointing, lonely, or a weapon.
A weapon? Yes, sex can become a weapon in the relationship with our partner…the one we love or did love more than anyone else in our lives.
How does that happen?
The tension builds slowly over time, and often kicks into higher gear once we become parents, our schedules become chaotic, we become caregivers for a loved one, or we find that we have somehow drifted apart. Sleep deprivation and unending chores wreak physical and emotional havoc. One partner feels the bulk of the responsibility is on their shoulders, and resentment begins to build. Exhaustion coupled with that resentment often leads to the feeling that sex is just another chore…one more thing that must be done before finally falling asleep. When this situation lingers, the partners begin to keep track of how many times per week the chore is accomplished. One feels left out and no longer on the priority list while the other feels burdened. The burdened one begins to notice that if any hand holding or arm around the shoulder while watching tv is a signal that intimacy is expected once between the sheets. Or they climb into bed, and suddenly there is a hand on a breast or butt with absolutely no prior contact.
And suddenly, there is no free affection. The burdened one shrinks from all affection, and the one feeling isolated and confused has no idea what happened or how to fix it.
Now there is a big problem in the relationship. Very different answers are given to the question of how many times they have sex….one says never and one says all of the time.
Free affection is an essential component in every blissfully happy relationship. Holding hands, sitting beside of each other at dinner so you can have a hand on your partners leg, stealing a smooch as you walk through the kitchen, grabbing a butt as you pass by, an unexpected hug, a hidden card to remind your partner you love them and think they are extra special, and the BEST free affection of all….lighting up with love when you see your partner walk into the room. That’s the gold star of free affection, and a standard worth setting and maintaining.
Free affection means you show love with NO expectation of sex. It will change your relationship in every way. You will deepen your connection, have more meaningful conversations, and best of all, be excited to see your partner at the end of the day…and they will be excited to see you! You WILL have more sex! So stop keeping track of the number of you times you have sex, and if you need to track something, track the number of great hugs.
I wrote the following line for 2 weddings I performed, and they are fitting words here.
Let not the words husband and wife become synonymous with roommate, but may your eyes and hearts reflect the love you share and light the way for others blessed to be in your presence.